I am a truly believer in real love. I do believe it exists
and that everybody deserves to find it. I believe I found mine, but I have been
through a good share of deceptions before. Now 27 and happily engaged I
realised how stupid I’ve been in the past. Before Jac I have been in three serious
relationships and although all my break ups have been different, the few things
I’m going to mention have happened every single time. I have been the girl who
won’t stop calling him, the stalker and the Imgoingtokillmyself kind of girl.
But if I’ve learned something from every break up is how to cope and it’s been
easier every time.
I have put together a few scenarios that may happen when you
break up with someone and hopefully it’ll help someone going through the
painful time that is a break up.
If he hasn’t called yet, he won’t because he doesn’t want to
call you. He probably doesn’t want any more drama and he probably doesn’t care
anymore and neither should you. He hasn’t got a secret motive why he’s not
calling. He’s not so sad that he can’t even pick up the phone. 99.999% of
chances he just doesn’t want to call and 99.999% that you are not the 0.001%
exception.
If in the contrary he still rings you after you asked him
not to ring you, do not pick up. Don’t text him not to text you. Ignore him. You
asked him not to talk to you for a reason, you’re trying to get over him and his
ego clearly can’t take it. If you pick up the phone when he rings you, you’re
showing him that deep inside you still want to hear his voice. You don’t. You
want to forget about him, remember?
Oh, he’s still telling you he misses you and he loves you?
What about don’t believe him. It’s never true. If he loved you enough, you’d
get over whatever was bad in the relationship and you both would have made it
work.
Don’t believe all those quotes ‘he’ll realise what he’s lost
someday’. He probably won’t but who cares? In a few years nor will you. The
sooner you realise the better.
He’s with someone new after a couple of weeks of breaking
up? Sorry to say, he probably had her ‘lined up’. Remember how he only just
came out of a relationship when you got together? Well, you’re the new ex. He
had you ready before he broke up with his former girlfriend and he now had her
lined up for after you because he doesn’t know how to be on his own. He needs
someone telling him how amazing he is constantly.
You’ve been together for over a year and he hasn’t said I
love you? Well, he probably just doesn’t love you. Simple as that. Even if you’re
not the I love you kind of person, if you really do love the person you’re
with, it will eventually just slip out of your mouth because you do want them
to know you love them. So if he never said it, he probably never felt it.
Don’t obsess over him or the new girlfriend. Don’t look at
his Facebook, what do you care what he’s doing nowadays? You’re moving on and
you don’t need to know what he’s up to. The new girlfriend? Well, we’re all
woman, it’s understandable you’ll want to have a look at her. Go on, find her
on Facebook. Look at her profile picture. Is she ugly? Good for you, still he
prefers her. Is she pretty? Good for her. Now what are you going to do? Hate
yourself cuz’ she’s prettier than you? Cry for days? No. You’ve seen her now
and that’s it. You can forget about them and move on.
Don’t get too drunk and call him. This is THE biggest ego
boost for him and you don’t want to give him that satisfaction. Delete his
number and if you know by heart, don’t get drunk.
Your heart still skips a beat whenever you see him? Well,
your heart skips a beat when you’re watching a horror movie too but guess what?
When you’ve watched that film a few times it’s not so scary anymore and some of
them you even find funny now. Well, same with him. There will be a day when you
look at him and think ‘what was I thinking?’ and your heart won’t even notice a
difference.
You see his friends out? Good, talk to them. Show them you’re
happy (without lying or overdoing it) but do not mention him at all. They
probably don’t want to hear how sad you are because of him and you definitely don’t
want them telling him you’ve said anything like that so the best thing is just
don’t talk about him and if they do mention him, play cool. If they say he’s
happy, well, good for him. If they say he’s sad, well, you’re sorry. That’s it,
never go into detail.
Do not listen to sad songs. It’s so Bridget Jones and it’s
depressing. Don’t go listening to cheesy ‘I don’t need you anymore’ songs
either. Too cliché and borderline pathetic. Find a healthy balance. Nice songs
that don’t remind you of him.
Don’t wish him anything bad. Be the good person you are and
wish him the best. Trust me, it’s so much better than being bitter for the rest
of your life.
Don’t change. Don’t try to lose weight or change your hair colour
or whatever. It might feel like a fresh start but every time you look in the
mirror and see your new hair you’ll see him, because he’s essentially the
reason why you changed it.
Still hurts? Of course, and it will for a long time. But so
did your hand that time you cut it with the knife trying to peel something the
wrong way and hey, you can barely see the scar now.
Last but not least, it’s ok not to be ok. You’ve got feelings
and you're hurt so cry as much as you want, ask for help, surround yourself with
good friends and I promise you’ll get over it.
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